As I Meander Through My Imperfect Life

Perfect! Does the word have any one synonym? Isn’t it very subjective? Where and why, I am looking for perfection everywhere? As I closely began to retrospect my past, gloom descended, and slowly Gyan too. Nature gives us some beautiful unspoken rules, to listen, to hear, and follow. one of them being that traits to be happy are not inherited, but acquired. As I start looking out in nature, does the sunrise and set at the same time, nope! Does that mean my source of energy is imperfect? Oops! Rains?? Is there a start and end time for that? Does that mean my source of water is imperfect? Well. Whom and why am I judging? Slowly things began to shape up in my mind. As humans, we experience an array of emotions. Love, fear, joy, sadness, jealousy, guilt, anger, faith pride…what a spectrum. Now a little more introspection into myself! my coffee doesn’t taste the same every day, my therapeutic rasam doesn’t taste and smell the same every day! And isn’t it the flavour of life? Looking out for surprises and adventures! From a SAHM(stay-at-home mom) to a working mom as I meander through my imperfect life why am I pointing fingers to find perfection? Isn’t it the very beauty of life to be imperfect? Piercing silence ensued. At that minute it seemed as if I have wrecked my whole passion. The very urge for me to work is to get closer to technology. Does it really matter how my fellow mates react and work when I am there to be engulfed in the whole new world of technology? Sharp, crisp images flashed across my mind, it then dawned on me they lived in a beautiful bubble and I chose to share that space with them. Moments I had thrown tantrums like a 5-year-old, turbulent arguments like a teenager to heated debates like a young youth all these flashed and gloom descended on me like a cover of dense grey fog on a cold wintery morning. And at all these times I had my wonderful mentor refusing to leave my hand but at the same time allowing me to experience the roller coaster of life. I could realize unconditional love despite the bruises and scars. What have I done? Have I taken things for granted? And it was time to let go.... My rebellion stemmed from me, trying to find my own identity, which I was trying to express in an exaggerated fashion. while I was trying to find myself, my wonderful mentor stood there for me patiently waiting for me to grow up. As I looked myself into the mirror I saw a reflection of an unsure naïve girl, trying to find her own identity. Now all I want is to take a step back and watch this still unsure of whether I am going to be accepted once again or whether my career is heading towards a pause or full-stop. While we glorify and acknowledge our triumphs we also need to acknowledge and accept our failures. As I stay perturbed thinking about whether the bubble has shrunk and I need to create my own bubble yet another time, I do not have an answer. I now leave it to the very nature to take its course for a pause or a full stop. Dedicated to my wonderful mentors who had been with me in my storms!